Three guys die and go to heaven. The first goes up to St. Peter who says,
"I have only one question before you go into heaven: Were you faithful to your
wife?"
The guy answers, "Yes, I never even looked at another women."
St.Peter says, "See that Rolls-Royce over there? That's your car to drive
while your in heaven."
The second guy gets the same question, and answers, "Once I strayed, but I
confessed to my wife and she forgave me and we worked it out."
St. Peter says, "See that new Buick over there, that's your car to use in
heaven."
The third guy answers the same question, "I have to admit, I chased every
bit of tail I could, and was with a lot of women."
St. Peter says, "Okay, but you were basically a good guy, so that old VW
Bug over there is yours to use while your in heaven. The three guys go off on
their seperate ways.
A few weeks later, guy #2 and guy #3 are driving along in the Buick when
they see guy #1's Rolls Royce parked outside of a bar. They stop and go into
the bar and find guy #1 with empty bottles all around him, face down with his
face in his hands on the bar. They come up to him and guy #2 says, "Bud, what
could possibly be so bad-you're in heaven, you drive a Rolls Royce, and
everything is great!"
He says, "I saw my wife today!"
The other two answer, "That's great! What's the problem?"
He answers, "She was riding a bicycle!"
Hahahahahahaha!!! ;D ;D ;D I love it lol gonna use that Andy
hahaha nice one andy love it
Very funny :D. It reminds me of my lady friend who stays with me once or twice a week. I've given her the nickname Arthur. She's slept with half a Newport ;D.
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs him that his son was born without a torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion...
After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar and tearfully tells the son he is proud of him..
Dad orders the biggest, strongest drink for the boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swooop! A torso pops out!
The bar is dead silent, then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father shocked, begs the son to drink again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink"... The bartender still shakes his head in dismay. Swooop! Two arms pop out.
The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink"...
The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it.. Swooop! Two legs pop out...
The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks god...
The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left.. then to the right.. right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly...
The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says, "That boy should have quit while he was a head"...
A blonde is driving home and she gets caught in a really bad hailstorm. The hail is as big as tennis balls, and she ends up with her car covered with large dents. So the next day she takes her car to the repair shop...
The shop owner, seeing she is blonde, decides to have a little fun. He tells her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe, really hard, and all the dents will just pop out...
The blonde drives home, gets out of the car, gets down on her hands and knees and starts blowing into the tail pipe...
Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happens...
Meanwhile, her roommate, also a blonde, comes home and asks, "What in the world are you doing"...?
The blonde car owner tells her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the hail dents to pop out...
Her blonde roommate rolls her eyes and says, "Hell-OOOO! Don't you think you should roll up the windows first"...?
Very good :D.